The recent eclipses come full circle, or in layman’s terms, FUCKING DUH
July 28, 2009So how has everybody’s post-Cancer eclipse fallout been? I imagine that if you’re not on top of the world, you’re peeling yourself off the pavement much the way I am right now. If anyone is wondering, hoping that transiting Venus in your 1st House will be some kind of reprieve from a very heavy outer-planet time coupled with a series of life-changing eclipses is like putting a Band-Aid on a gunshot wound. Wearing pretty dresses and make-up and flowers in my hair does not change or mitigate the fact that I am crazy, or that everyone around me is crazy. Even as I type this, sitting in my neighborhood coffee shop dressed like what I hope says “Kim Novak on the weekends” drinking an iced coffee and eating a zucchini-cherry-coconut muffin, not bothering anybody, the man across the table from me is giving me that annoyed, vitriolic glare that you give people who are talking too loudly on their cell phones. Who knew- my superficial attempt to feel better about myself could be actively contributing to someone else’s post-Cancer eclipse fallout. Fuck you too, dude, at least I made an effort.
Anyway.
This week has sucked. Royally, capitally sucked. You’d think I would be feeling so good, having made some concrete decisions about what I will be doing in the next several weeks. You’d only think. Instead, it’s like every single day becomes an encroaching reminder of another way I have somehow fucked up. Without doing the very Pisces-Gemini thing of making a whiny list, suffice it to say that literally every single aspect of my life has been struck really, really hard by the past few weeks. Every single one. Suddenly the possibility of falling into a David Lynchian wormhole doesn’t sound half bad, even if I do turn into a Polish prostitute or an animatronic rabbit.
And oh my God, I realized why.
Last August there was a lunar eclipse Full Moon in Aquarius, I’m sure you all remember. That very night, I was attacked at gunpoint in front of the apartment I lived in at the time. It was, as you can well imagine, a horrible experience, and not one that I want to get into fully right here and now. (I certainly might at a later date, but let’s stick to one trauma at a time here.) But how long are eclipse reverberations supposed to last? Like six months, a year, something like that? That eclipse fell at 24 degrees Aquarius, right on my natal Venus-MC- yes, the axis of public and private, the axis of “Well, yeah, you’re a woman, WHAT DO YOU EXPECT IS GOING TO HAPPEN IF YOU GO OUTSIDE,” and yes, exactly where the Clusterfuck of Doom has been for months and still is right now and will be for several more months.
Hi, what Bergman movie am I in again, and can I get out now?
I cannot take sole credit for this realization. It was actually my friend Liz, who is the Gayle to my Oprah, who first pointed it out the relevance of the event to me. (Only later did I realize the astrological significance too.) Liz noticed that since that happened, I’ve become so preoccupied with like everything else in my life that I’ve never had a substantial opportunity to properly deal with it- and as such, all kinds of other hurtful but relatively minor things have doubled in psychological importance over the course of the year.
It might be helpful to talk to somebody about this, no?
Of course, it absolutely makes sense now that I think about it. Even though I’m in a very different situation this year (same sense of urgency, generally happier circumstances), I’m emotionally remembering that around this time of year I’m “supposed” to be terrified and depressed. When the attack took place, I was actually feeling really good about myself- really, really good about myself, about my body, about my confidence level, about my talent, in a way that I just didn’t think could be possible for me- and both the eclipse and the attack just knocked that right out of the water. Now I realize that all year, I’ve never quite gotten that feeling back, and I’m hurting for it.
This past New Moon at 29 degrees of Cancer was actually on my 3rd House cusp. Dana Gerhardt once wrote in The Mountain Astrologer about the 3rd House that in addition to being the house of communication, it’s also the house of learned behaviors. In this way, the connection to the 2nd House is more intimate, and in my case, with Cancer ruling both those houses, it’s a more urgent connection. Self-worth is a learned behavior.
One thing is for sure- I will never underestimate Cancer/Capricorn again. It’s SERIOUS. If good for nothing else, at least it helps you identify what is truly a heartbreak, and what (or who) is just an incidental distraction.
I feel better and worse at the same time. Curious.
Interesting. I do remember that eclipse, and, boy, was it life-changing for me as well.
The Capricorn-Cancer set definitely allowed me to speak out and not really give a sh*t about it so much. I will continue to do that, regardless of how much of an crazy outsider it will make me in my town. Rather that than continue down a stupid spiral like everyone else, right?
I’m glad that you’re writing about this. The more you do, the more relieved and free you will feel. There really is nothing like the pen. And let me say this: when you put it out there on this blog versus finding the first therapist or friend who will listen, you will connect with others who’ve been through something like it whether they respond or not. That is the beauty of the cyberworld.
Dear Lucy, I’m so sorry to hear about the attack on you last August. I won’t pretend to imagine what that must’ve been like. Still, I admire you for your ability to continually relate your experiences with such wry humour. And as usual, you have managed to capture the effect of the eclipse in the most colourful but apt terms!
‘If anyone is wondering, hoping that transiting Venus in your 1st House will be some kind of reprieve from a very heavy outer-planet time coupled with a series of life-changing eclipses is like putting a Band-Aid on a gunshot wound.’
Exactly! I think most people are having a hard time, if the more-dour-than-usual faces around are anything to go by. Also a number of astro-bloggers going on hiatus at the moment say quite a bit about how everyone is feeling too.
Oh my God you’re right- I didn’t even factor in how many astro-bloggers aren’t even touching this shit right now. Well, in their defense, they’ve been doing this for a while- I’ve only just started, so I don’t want to cop out and be like, “Oh, sorry guys, I know I just started blogging, but I can’t take it. You can wait.” Besides, I want to work through it, not hide from it.
Also, I didn’t even remember that I’d written the analogy about it being like a gunshot wound until after I went back and reread the whole post. God, how Freudian of me.
If anyone cares, I’ve given up on the transiting Venus. I haven’t worn make-up in like a week. Seriously, why fight it?
I just realised the ‘gunshot wound’ is Pluto, of course! When Venus is transiting opposite Pluto, no amount of makeup is going to cover it up. Sigh.
You are very brave and smart Lucy! You’ve got a great handle on the astrological cycles and yes, I agree with Deb–keep pen to paper, or fingers to keyboard..
Don’t underestimate a little beautifying or relaxing “reprieve” from the ugly “real world”–not just nice clothes and flowers, , but maybe a nurturing massage, or painting a room a color that enlivens you– and then, the PEOPLE AROUND US; oy vay! I am having to do a LOT of protection rituals lately..and take time outs at lunch at work–to GET AWAY from it–I go de stress with a good book and a lunch somewhere..
thanks for sharing!
I reckon I have buried my head in the sand (not really that unusual in someone with my amount of pisces), but I sort of figured if I didn’t think about it, there would be no impact. I was in Indonesia/ Singapore when the eclipse hit, with all the resultant security crackdown that happened over there at that time. But otherwise, hadn’t felt it except in terms of a complete & utter exhaustion for absolutely no real reason & the longest lasting headache in recent memory. Eclipse hangover? Who knows… but then again, I will also pretend I don’t know about this weeks one & am trying very hard to convince myself that Saturn is a figment of my imagination- with enough wine, I might just get there.