So wow, I just realized that it has been a really, really long time since I last posted anything. Part of it was due to being extremely busy in the past month- I was on winter break, but I still went in to work in the neuropsych lab for most of it, and when I wasn’t doing that, I was getting ready for this semester, seriously falling behind on a lot of blog-reading, and working on a couple of other projects that have yet to be disclosed. Additionally, I managed to further compromise my CFS by completely reversing my circadian rhythm such that I may as well have added “and drinking blood” to the previous sentence. Classes have begun, so getting it back to normal has become an imperative and not just something I’ll do if I have time. But more than just being busy (which is not exactly a new state of affairs for me), I wasn’t really sensing that I had anything urgent to write about. I go back and forth between watching transits obsessively and forgetting that even I know astrology, but even in the moments when I’m forgetting, I will nonetheless feel it and notice it if something hits me really hard. At the moment, nothing is really “hitting” me, unless you count Neptune, which doesn’t exactly “hit.” It smothers, it drugs, or it drowns, and I haven’t really been feeling that either, not lately, anyway.
Surely you all remember The Clusterfuck of Doom. Neptune and Chiron are still on my MC and my Venus; however, they feel far less Clusterfuck-y than they did last year. This is true for several reasons: 1) they have both gone direct, so their energies can be utilized the way they’re actually supposed to be, i.e. not liquifying my insides and making me really sick, 2) Jupiter, having just ingressed into Pisces, is no longer attached to them, so it translates to just a little bit of fog and not agonizing Clusterfuck-y madness, and 3) I had kind of a “Soylent Green is people!” realization about why it felt particularly difficult this whole time, which sort of ties in with an upcoming undisclosed project.
As I’ve come to understand the higher implications of what it means to have Venus in Aquarius on as prominent of an angle as the MC, I’m finally owning how much I love it. Seriously, I LOVE having Venus in Aquarius on my MC, like LOVE, L-U-V. I could have eliminated so much earlier heartache if I’d only realized just how amazing it is sooner. In all my gung ho newfound appreciation, though, I was so completely confused as to why the Neptune-Chiron transit appeared to be messing it up. But here’s what I realized: your natal placements are not the only thing at work at any given time. They’re the only thing a lot of people use, because there is of course such a thing as too much information. But sometimes when transits or whatever don’t match up the way they’re “supposed” to, some people will get into a simplistic huff and decide that astrology must not work- when actually, if you just look from a slightly different angle, there is a reason for the cognitive dissonance somewhere. Maybe you have to look at your progressed chart. Maybe you have to use another house system. The debate over which is better, tropical or sidereal time, is always popular, but I think it’s totally pointless and ridiculous, because neither is “better”; they’re different. But they’re all relevant, if you’re willing to include them all.
I realized that the Clusterfuck of Doom was that much more confounding because despite having natal Venus and my MC in Aquarius, I’ve also had my progressed Venus and MC in Pisces for a really long time (Venus since I was five, MC I don’t know because it’s late and I’m too lazy to calculate it right now, but probably about the same). It goes without saying that Venus in Aquarius and Venus in Pisces are very, very different. But it explains a lot about the trajectory of my life until recently, and why I’ve often been really confused about how I could have such significant Aquarius placements when I felt like “SUCH a Pisces.” I mean, that’s one whopping fucking dose of Neptune and Jupiter. It’s seriously kind of amazing that I’m not fried on drugs or a Christian Scientist right now. It’s reassuring to realize that progressions are strong influences, but they are not actually who you really are. Nothing against Pisces, but its energy can be seriously overwhelming if unfiltered, and it’s not like I don’t have enough other placements and aspects in my natal chart that make me ridiculously oversensitive as is. Being able to put the former Clusterfuck of Doom in perspective that way, to realize that it only felt as strong as it did because of the complete excess of Pisces/Neptune energy I’ve been swimming in (*rimshot*) all this time, makes me think I should have chosen a more appropriate name for it, like The Biggest Margarita You’ve Ever Drank. When I think about it, in a lot of ways I really embody my Venus and MC in Aquarius much more than I’d previously given myself credit for. Like, for instance, the fact that I have never and would never sacrifice anything I was doing professionally for a relationship. The Venus in Pisces by progression has put me in situations where that’s been an issue, and you’d think I would have- but the idea of doing so always felt really, really wrong to me, even when I was in early high school. Or the fact that even while I was actively making and enjoying art, something about doing it as a career didn’t sit right with me. Or the fact that there are certain things about the culture we live in that I am simply not okay with and am not willing to ignore or let slide, where the Pisces influence would have me “forgiving,” “accepting,” “living and letting live.” Or hell, even the fact that I write my blog the way I do, that despite being extremely interested in astrology and the occult and magic, I’ve always treated it kind of academically and managed to be one of the least New Age-y people I’ve ever met.
Part of my growth in studying astrology has included not being married to what one chart says to the point where I doubt my own intuition and gut sense. So I’d say that being able to tease out what’s actually me and what’s just an outside influence is kind of empowering. And now I’m more excited about what I’m going to do next than EVAR, because it involves significant pieces of everything described above. YES.
Has anyone else had a similar “Soylent Green is people!” moment in astrology?
